Sunday, October 14, 2007

Gaaaaaaaah

Why does everything seem to be going wrong lately?

(And before you start in, yes yes yes, I know I know I know: look at things positively, hashgacha pratis, it all happens for the best, etc etc. I KNOW. I don't need you to tell me. For the moment I just need to let this all out without people trying to get me to see the good side right away. I'm not so happy about certain things and I need to express that without people jumping down my throat with positivity.)

(Yes, I'm not in such a good mood right now. Can you tell?)

First of all, for those of you who didn't know yet, I was in a car accident this past Wednesday. It was extremely frightening and upsetting, and I haven't gotten over it yet. It could have been MUCH, MUCH worse than it actually was and so I give many heartfelt thanks to Hakadosh Baruch Hu for really saving me from what could have been a terrible situation. However, what happened was still very, very, very scary and I've been thinking about it quite a lot.

Secondly, (and I can't give the details of this on the blog because they're too personal) other things in my life are not working the way I want them to right now. Who knows, maybe tomorrow everything will change and I'll be happy about them again. But for the moment things seem to be going in a really dissatisfying direction and they're not making me feel so great.

Thirdly, I am feeling spread veeeeeery thin with school commitments. Things are going to get a lot busier for me soon (busier than they already are, which is kind of frightening to contemplate) and I'm kind of freaking out about that.

And I KNOW that I have much to be thankful for. I just need some sympathy without the overly pious "let's look at this positively" attitude that will make me feel like it's not normal for me to feel down about this stuff. Because I DO, and I'm REALLY not in the mood for a lecture on how I should be feeling versus how I am feeling.

Sorry. I'm being really rude. I know. This isn't the best side of me. Please don't assume based on this post that I'm an overwhelmingly negative person. It's a nisayon for me, and I really try hard not to be negative all the time. In fact, for all the things that I've posted here I've already thought of good angles or good excuses for why they're going the way they are. Just sometimes I need to wallow a little and get some TLC.

:::::sigh:::::

9 comments:

Erachet said...

*POURS LOTS OF HUGS AND TLC ON APPLE* I know just how you feel! Sometimes it's so preachy and not helpful when people respond to ventage with, "oh, but look at this good thing! and look at all you have to be thankful for!" because, essentially, all that is doing is ignoring the issues and trying to distract the distressed person with lots of happy that the person isn't even INTERESTED in at that moment. Ya know?

Re: car accident - I was almost in a car accident, too. Luckily, we did a huge swerve and avoided disaster (this was last night) but I was sooooo freaked out. And my response was, "THIS is why I'm so afraid of driving!" Don't you find it so difficult to trust other drivers sometimes? So I understand the terror and scariness!

re: everything else - Hugs again! No need to apologize for ventage on your own blog, man. I mean, this IS your place to write your thoughts and feelings and impressions and frustrations, etc. I really do hope things start to get better for you, but even though we're not the closest, you can still talk to me if you ever feel stressed out! (Even if you think it's unjustified stress, because man, I know that feeling).

Feel better!

jackie said...

I validate you.

Scraps said...

((((HUGS))))

You know where I stand.

Venting is totally allowed.

SJ said...

Only 4 days till shabbos...

Yeshiva Bachur said...

You know what I think you should do, go out and do something simple and fun. Try and take your mind off things for a little bit.

I hope you weren't hurt or anything in the accident.

And when life stinks, its ok to stink. Have a negative attitude is only a problem if it consumes you. To be a little firshmished (probobly not a real yiddish word or the right word) is ok.

Look on the bright side, I got to read something on you blog today.

corner point said...

Apple--
It's me! Thanks for finally clueing me in on your secret life...and looks like I came not a moment too soon...

(Turns out I passed by your blog a few times, don't know why it didn't occur to me it could've been yours...)

Right now you deserve a HUGE HUG and although I'd love to give one to you personally, this'll have to do:
((((((HUGS!!!!)))))))

I really know how you feel right now...although I put on a nice show to the world being happy and hyper and positive, it's something I'm really working on now...it's so so hard to think positively when the very last thing you're feeling is positive...(Lucky for me my acting skills come in handy every day...)

It's okay to feel rotten now for a bit, but just keep remembering--at some future time (tomorrow, next week, in 3 months) you'll look back and sigh with relief and will hopefully be able to chart the growth you will have made from this hard time in your life...

Hatzlacha, I'm rooting for you, and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know! (Shabbos plans? Mom makes a killer potato kugel :-)...)

the apple said...

Erachet - thankee very much. Exactly. (And now I'm even less inclined to get my driver's license!)

Jackie - I appreciate you.

Scraps - ((hugs back)) thanks!

SJ - WAHOO! I'm so excited!

YB - I hope to do just that soon ... can you say "retail therapy"? And b"H, I wasn't hurt at all in the accident (just whiplash the next day OUCH but it's gone away, b"H).

corner point - HAHAHAHAHA HIIIIIIII and welcome to the blog! ((((hugs back)))) Thanks for the chizuk, and I'd LOVE to come for Shabbos at some point . . . let's work something out - soon!

SephardiLady said...

Hugs.

halfshared said...

Hope you are feeling better by now..I know tis a bit late but I just found your blog thru corner point.