Saturday, November 17, 2007

Ack

I have about seven drafted posts, but I can't bring myself to publish them. Somehow, knowing that nearly all my commenters (I don't know about the readers) know who I am makes it harder for me to use this blog as a venting place, because I am a wee bit scared of revealing too much about myself that maybe I don't want you all to know. That makes me kind of sad, because I liked being able to write about things without everyone knowing who I am. I want to write about myself, and feelings I have about things, and vent, and do all kinds of other things, but there's an inner plug stopping me and telling me to be more cautious. Also, because many of you will understand who I am referring to in some of my posts, I don't want anything to inadvertently become lashon hara about others.

This would be why I haven't posted anything of substance in a while.

I don't know that I can trust myself to reveal so much anymore.

Am I afraid of people knowing these things about me?

How much of what I write is for myself, and how much is for my audience?

7 comments:

Ezzie said...

You already know my opinion.

How much of what I write is for myself, and how much is for my audience?

That you're concerned shows it's for you. It's a fair and reasonable struggle.

As to the rest...

corner point said...

Apple--
Oh, gosh...
I was thinking the same exact thing over Shabbos...wondering why in the world everybody knows who I am already, and doesn't that defeat my original purpose of starting a blog...?

Hey, we can always start another one :)

Ezzie--
Why does someone's concern show that it's really for them?
And now what do they do about it? The problem is still there...

Ezzie said...

doesn't that defeat my original purpose of starting a blog...?

I don't think so.

Why does someone's concern show that it's really for them?

Because they still want to.

Madd Hatter said...

actually, I think CP had a great idea. start a new blog, and don't tell anyone it's you. the people who are really close to you might figure it out, but they probably know most of what you'll write anyway, and even if you're found out again, it will take a while:)

the apple said...

But I *like* this blog. I like what I've written. I like my fake identity, and the name, and my icon. I've considered starting a new one, but I don't know if it's worth it. Maybe I'll just post my stuff anyway and hope for the best. Besides, I think y'all won't judge me negatively anyway :).

halfshared said...

I love my blog for my anonymity. As soon as people I know, figure out who I am, I think I will go AWOL. Too many private things in my blog so I understand you. I don't know you though so at least you don't have to worry about me.

Scraps said...

I've had similar issues, and to an extent, still do. It's like...this is a very private corner of my mind that I'm putting out for anyone to see. Do I really, really want everyone to know how crazy I am? And even though many of the people who read and know about my blog are people that I'd trust with my insanity anyway, there are always the ones who I'd rather not know who found me out anyway, despite my best efforts. It's always a struggle, figuring out what to say and what not to say. And there's a lot I don't blog for fear of being found/figured out, or because it's just...too private.

Still, at the end of the day, I think it's still worth it. I like my blog community, my friends (online and off). I like feedback. :) (Yes, I do have that streak of vanity.)

For what it's worth (which probably isn't much), I like the glimpses of the deeper you that I get from reading your blog. But what you reveal is, as always, entirely up to you.