Friday, May 30, 2008

My shidduch resume



46 comments:

Ezzie said...

LOL!

At least you didn't put up deli roll. :P

Stam said...

whoohoo! awesomeness
whats the last one (dessert i assume)

the apple said...

Yeah, chocolate cream pie - really easy recipe.

Erachet said...

So are you a macaroni, macaronis, macaroni and ketchup, or macaronis and ketchup kinda girl?

Ezzie said...

{withholds comments} :D

Ezzie said...

{looks at resume}

[muses to self]

"Challah in a pan which makes it look good even if the braiding was 'eh'.

Quiche?!?!?! Eeeewwww....

And a pre-made crust chocolate cream pie. Granted, still good, but... not a great showcase of skills."

{sticks resume at bottom of pile}

Ezzie said...

(Note: The above is a joke that was clearly called for. :D )

the apple said...

Okay, I officially hate you! Mean!

(Even if I did tell you to post it)

:D

Diana said...

According to these standards, my shidduch resume would be about 90 pages long.

Special Ed said...

No one wants to marry a girl who eats milchigs on Fri night anyway. Next time post a roast or something if you want to generate interest :P

the apple said...

Erachet - definitely macaroni and ketchup kind of girl. (Macaronis ... ::shudder::)

Diana - true dat

Ed - !! It's PAREVE! *And* it still tasted good. :D

Diana said...

Too bad Ed isn't my Facebook friend. He would drool at the album I just posted.
Maybe he can see the pictures I just tagged of The Apple though...

Special Ed said...

Parve quiche...who would waste their time on that.

You should have stuck with milchigs as an answer instead

Diana- I couldn't see your pics, but you can post the link to the public album...or friend me.

SaraK said...

Diana, me too

Diana said...

SaraK you don't compulsively take pictures of the food you are making...

YB said...

looks delicious

SaraK said...

Diana,
No I don't, but if I did, I would have lots. And I do have a picture of a really nice turkey that I once made for Thanksgiving. And challah that I baked.

Scraps said...

Yum.... :-D

badforshidduchim said...

[puts on hat]
[gets in line]
[holds out plate]
I'd like to sample your resume before wasting any time on a date.

[lunchtime]

Ezzie said...

[puts on hat]
[gets in line]
[holds out plate]
I'd like to sample your resume before wasting any time on a date.

[lunchtime]


Hey, if we're allowed to sample even with no intention of utilizing said resume... I'm hungry, too!



What?! I'm just taking cues from the schnorrer above.

the apple said...

no intention of utilizing said resume

You could always forward it to relevant parties.

:D

Ezzie said...

You could always forward it to relevant parties.

:D


Who says I haven't? :)

[remainder of comment edited for content]

Bas~Melech said...

Good one :-)

(The post and the comments. I'm grinning. That's a lot to ask at this time of year)

Special Ed said...

So we're not allowed to compliment, but we're allowed to sample. There's something twisted with that logic

SaraK said...

There's something twisted with that logic

You're just figuring that out now?

ProfK said...

Apple,
Re your comment on b4s's blog about kugel being a dirty word in your house, send me an email and I'll send you some recipes for different kugels that will pass muster in the most finicky of health conscious houses.

MordyS said...

Ezzie's first comment says it all... At least no DELI ROLL!

(I think I said over the "deli roll theory" at a ser/ez meal once, right?)

Diana said...

What's the deli roll theory?

Ezzie said...

Mordy - I think more than once. :) But I thought you'd appreciate.

David_on_the_Lake said...

I know just...
...the guy for
you

Erachet said...

(I think I said over the "deli roll theory" at a ser/ez meal once, right?)

I never heard it! But I've also never really been at serandez for shabbos at the same time as you, Mordy.

MordyS said...

The Deli Roll Theory:

(As confirmed and verified by girls from various seminaries)

The Deli Roll Theory posits that if a boy asks a girl (most commonly, on a date) whether or not she knows how to cook and the girl says, "I make a great deli roll," the boy may conlcude that the girl in fact has absolutely no clue how to cook.

This postulation is based on the first notion that deli roll is about as easy to make as a toasted pastrami sandwich.

It is also based on the second notion that deli roll is almost impossible to screw up. I say almost impossible because there will always be overachieving women out there that will somehow manage to make a horrible deli roll.

Proof to the theory may be presented via the known fact that if one is capable of producing a fine roast beef, brisket, or other delectable slab 'o cow, then they would much rather refer (perhaps on the aforementioned "Shidduch Resume") to that wonderful and greatly sought after skill, as opposed to their negligible deli roll abilities.

For more of my amazing theories, please press 1.
For English, press 2.
For Spanish, press 3.
For Yiddish, press 4.
For English with the extra U's, press 5.
To hang up, press Esc.
For an operator, please stay on the line or e-mail me.

SJ said...

I press 5! :)

And, btw, I believe the correct formulation of the theory should read: "The Deli Roll Theory posits that if a boy asks a girl (most commonly, on a date) whether or not she knows how to cook, and the girl says, "I make a mean deli roll," the boy may conclude that the girl, in fact, has absolutely no clue how to cook.

Diana said...

This is so funny - I don't make deli roll. I am not so good at the rolling part. But I make mean ribs. And ask Shmez about the mini tacos.

Ezzie said...

I press 4! (and 1) You know what I'm talking about...!

Also, we're still waiting for Diana to prove the ribs, but definitely have to give thanks for the mini tacos.

Erachet said...

For more of my amazing theories, please press 1.

So...what language does that option come in, then?

MordyS said...

Jeez SJ, I can't get anything by you!!! Yes, you are correct, the original language of the theory read as you quoted.

Mad good catch. (HAHAHAHA)

And D, I'm not so much a ribs guy honestly. (Too messy.)

Delmonico steak on the other hand, or a nice silver tip... Now that's the stuff right there.

And Ezzie, I get you on the Pressing 4 (that's exactly why I put it there... hehe), but which of my other theories do you want to hear?

There's the:
"Why Chassidim can't drive" theory;
"Why Sharfman's girls get so fat" theory;
"Why dogs like fire hydrants so much" theory;
on-going "great Star Wars/Matrix debate";
"Carlito's Way vs. Scarface" theory;
And I can't remember anymore at the moment...

MordyS said...

Eh, no habla englez senora... si por que si?! Ok meng. I muh jur lun?

Diana said...

Mordy - if you were my Facebook friend you would see the awesome rib steak I made last Friday. It was a work of beauty.

Erachet said...

For an operator, please stay on the line or e-mail me.

Hello, is this the operator? I was wondering if I could request some more deep and meaningful theories of life and if I could have them translated into Swahili, please? Thank you!

Anonymous said...

re: Deli Roll theory

I never asked a girl whether she can cook, i just got lucky, no one leaves our table hungry.

Proof that deli roll is not cooking: I actually make the deli roll for shabbos!

Lvnsm27 said...

the chocholate pie looks delicious

the sabra said...

that was funny

M said...

And why can't Chassidim drive perzaclty??? [Mindy takes offense at statement]

Anonymous said...

Noodle- ur hilarious.
-your fav. schottie 3e member hehe

Perel said...

Stay where you are! I'm coming over.