Thursday, September 4, 2008

Two things that drive me crazy

People chewing with their mouths open.

This is just about the most disgusting habit known to mankind next to knuckle-cracking and neck-popping. No one wants to see masticated food rolling around in anyone's wide-open trap. And the sound...! Smack, slurp, smack, slurp. Disgusting. People are not cows. Therefore, no one should sound like a cow. Really - it's so gross. And I don't see any reason why I should get used to or excuse this kind of lack of table manners. It's quite unpleasant to be in the same room as someone and hear their food being eaten. And if someone has to think about whether or not they chew with their mouth open or closed, it's probably the former. Have pity on your fellow sentient creatures and desist.

People who walk slowly in New York.

Look, New York is a biiiiiiiiiiiig city. There's a lotta people in New York. And all those lotta people want to get somewhere. Therefore, it is better if no one stands in the middle of the sidewalk, looking aimlessly around for direction. If you need direction, try to hug a wall or stand nearer to the curb (but not too close, you don't want to experience death by maniacal taxi). If you are talking on your cell phone, try not to slow down to a crawl. And while I'm on the subject: Girls who Block The Space in the caf. NOT OKAY! The cafeteria is probably the busiest place in Stern, and it is just rude to stand in the middle of the cafeteria, chatting with your friend, while other people around you want to get their food and go to class, possibly even on time. ARGH.

12 comments:

SJ said...

I believe the quote, to be precise, should read as follows: "...half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide open--trap."

And how about people who "glide" down the streets of the city? :)

Erachet said...

People who walk slowly in New York.

Also gaggles of girls who either stand around talking in a really public place and block everyone or who saunter along at a more-than-leisurely pace and you're stuck behind them and have to get to class and....GRRRRRR!

Stam said...

ppl only use the word masticating when they are ranting about people who chew w/their mouths open ;)

Ezzie said...

First one - totally.

Second - I dunno. When I was working, it was so annoying. Anytime else, what's the big rush? Where's everyone in such a rush to get to? The extra couple minutes won't kill anyone. It's very much a NYer thing, not sure it's so legit. It's nice to not always be looking down and rushing and to stop and look up and around sometimes.

RaggedyMom said...

Re #1 - Front of T-shirt: Ewww, gross! Back of T-shirt: Blah . .

Re #2 - I've said it before - Walking slow in New York is best reserved for our blond, fanny-pack-wearing visitors. ;P

the apple said...

SJ - you are indeed correct :). Gliding is good as long as it's done quickly! :D

Erachet - exactly!

Stam - :D

Ezzie - not if you are trying to get somewhere on a really busy street full of people. Not saying you should never stop to smell the roses, but don't do it on a busy thoroughfare where you're impeding other people.

RM - I'm still waiting for the t-shirt!

Erachet said...

Second - I dunno. When I was working, it was so annoying. Anytime else, what's the big rush? Where's everyone in such a rush to get to? The extra couple minutes won't kill anyone. It's very much a NYer thing, not sure it's so legit. It's nice to not always be looking down and rushing and to stop and look up and around sometimes.

But that would be like saying, "I dunno, why is everyone going so quickly on the highway? Why can't they slow down a little and take a look at their surroundings?" But, obviously, you can't because other cars around you are actually trying to get places. For instance, when you're late for class, you're not really interested in looking around.

On the other hand - it's so important not to always rush places if you don't need to.

...Phantom Tollbooth, anyone?

ella said...

Can I just add that during coed events mouths are miraculously closed and the gaggling girl becomes a significantly less annoying individual. Which really just makes them more annoying in the big picture.

Ezzie said...

Apple - I hear. I guess it depends on the situation. I've just seen people get annoyed with other people acting perfectly normally simply because it was inconvenient for their busy lives.

Mindy 1 said...

Excuse me, Apple, but NY photographrs like a certain ahem ahem over here definitely have the right to-ahem- cause people like you to meander for three seconds. ~hands on waist~

The Babysitter said...

omg, I'm not the only one that gets annoyed by people's chewing habits!

Bas~Melech said...

May I add that there is a difference between an artist (photographers included) who stakes out a spot and stays there for a few, and someone who manages to take up the whole sidewalk for as long as it takes you to get around them.

My solution is walking in the bike lane.

That doesn't work on stairs. I HATE when people stand around shmoozing in stairwells... especially when it's the 3 minutes between classes in college and they should KNOW everyone's in a rush.