Friday, November 21, 2008

follow-up (or, slightly selfish post)

It feels selfish that not being in the loop of a friend's engagement should make me feel so...um...crappy. But you know what? It does. It's thoughtless when no one calls to tell you, and you find out from OnlySimchas instead, or when someone thinks to mention it hours later. Getting multiple phone calls about an engagement is not bad. It is not annoying. It is NICE. Because it shows that people thought you were important enough to the kallah that she would want you to know about her simcha, and not just in a passing mention. Do I care when people from high school don't tell me about their engagements? Nah. For the most part, I feel totally disconnected from my classmates and so, yeah, I'm happy for them when they get engaged, but I don't feel left out if I don't hear from them directly.

But current friends? Or friends I've known since I was little? Yeah. It hurts. A lot. And guess what? When they ignore me during engagement, when they ask me if I know someone who does hair and makeup in Lakewood (why the heck would I know that? You know I don't know that! Why are you asking? Did you forget who you were talking to -- I'm the friend with zero connections, remember?), then it doesn't exactly inspire me to feel a need to keep up a connection.

Maybe I sound obnoxious, but too bad. Friendship is often about reciprocity, and if you're not giving me anything more than cursory glances, I start to lose the motivation to respond in kind.

6 comments:

Erachet said...

Friendship is often about reciprocity, and if you're not giving me anything more than cursory glances, I start to lose the motivation to respond in kind.

Agreed.

stam[azoid] said...

right on!


i actually had a girl ask for my address list of girls from sem that i invited to my wedding (and i was only in sem for half a year and invited my dira-mates only!) -- and she didnt even invite me.

EsPes said...

i know EXACTLY how u feel! and u have every right to feel that way!

Bas~Melech said...

I know :(

Like I said in an older post, if they want me to share in their simcha, they should start by sharing their simcha with me.

frumsatire said...

Now you know how I feel when my friends call me from the car on the way to a concert they knew I would have loved to go to.

Only simchas posts are so quick these days you may still be able to make the vort if your quick.

Bas~Melech said...

Oh, one more note about only simchas -- Don't be too quick to get insulted that the web knew before you did. I almost made that mistake and it turned out someone had posted the engagement on onlysimchas before it was official. My friend had really meant to tell me first!